“Not to be gay but smell me”
— Me- asking JP about new cologne
Thank you for posting this.
TRUE STORY.
My favorite thing I have done today
In response to a series of issues and proposed resolutions some one said flipply “Well I am sure we will find some new problems”.
I responded “99 problems”.
Thankfully no one got it.
Friday
| T: | As my lawyer, would you advise me not to tell someone i want to shoot them in the face? |
| A (Not my lawyer, but a lawyer): | (crickets) |
Skype = impossible
Totally required removal from a sentence to a coworker
When asking for help:
“Can you swing it on by?”
“
GUYS WHO ANNOUNCE THEY “RESCUE” DOGS:
You didn’t run into a burning warehouse or the roof of a flooded barn to get the dog. You went to the pound, because you were too cheap to go to a breeder. You don’t love dogs nearly as much as you love the idea of people thinking you’re a hero. You ever notice people who buy their dogs rarely discuss how they got them, versus these assholes who work the phrase “She’s a rescue” into every conversation? What do you want? Spielberg to make a movie about you?
”—
Adam Carolla
So funny, buuuuuuuuuuut I’d still get a pound dog
I hung this outside of my office*
(*in my head)
Worthless fact of the day
While typing I spell “morning” incorrectly more than any word.
Please proceed with your day accordingly.
