March 2012
96 posts
Airport facts
1. You are a dick/douche if you don’t offer to help a lady lifting up her bag.
(credit JK)
2. Number 1 is extra true if the woman is pregs or over 55.
3. It is weird when a stranger doesn’t lower the arm rest between you.
4. It is always okay to have a drink on the plane
Saw another 30 year old man on the plane to Puerto Rico reading Hunger Games. Shame subsiding.
Delighted to be back in flip flops
Debate of the day
Go to Puerto Rico or buy some meth, bottle of Jack and a handgun
“My systems down
Got an overload of hate
Got a bad attitude
With no intent to...”
– Suicide Machines
4 tags
Coworker: So your calendar explicitly says you are are leaving at 5pm today
Me (Not looking up from PC): Yep
C: You sure you can do that?
M: (Not looking up from them PC): Yep
C (Passive aggressive tone): If you think that is best
M (In my head): What sound does the duck make?
Tom Fact/Story
When I was a mid-teen and my mom would tell me something I didn’t want to hear I would ask in an extremely patronizing/like I am talking to an infant tone “What sound does the duck make?” over and over again.
I am thinking about bringing this back at work today for every “emergency” on the day before my vacation.
2 tags
“It’s hard to be ‘Charles in Charge’ when you’re not...”
– Kenny Powers
Tom Fact
If I am about to go on vacation or use personal time no less than 15,000,002 things will go wrong at work that “require” my immediate attention.
Shoot me in the face.
1 tag
“Today was going to be the day but they never throw it back to you”
– Oasis
I liked this article and then I read the comments... →
Raise your hand if you decided to be a grownup and go to work on a Sunday.
(Me nodding sadly.)
Just learned what space docking is
Yikes
Rad
Girl: did you hear what he said to me?
Boyfriend: no I wasn't listening
Girl: he said he is down with the brown
Boyfriend: oh, I wasn't listening
Rumor has it Puerto Rico is going to lacking soap next week.
“I slowed down by speeding up”
Beer and cheese outside is my heaven
Humblebrag alert
People are really too into the fact that I shaved and got a haircut and not enough into the fact that I kept a mustache.
“Sorry for partying”
– BFS
Also, about tomatoes:
Fact.
kimbaland:
I’ll always think of them as a vegetable.
1 tag
“Everyone from New Jersey is trash and I want to spit on them”
– My buddy Jerk
I shared this advice with a “friend” this morning who is visiting NJ this weekend.
I actually don’t 100% agree with this at all. I would say with 100% certainty NJ has the best looking girls in the country. If you don’t believe me, like 95% of models and...
2 tags
“You just do you and I’ma do me (all day)”
– Cali Swag District (the Immortal Words from Teach Me How to Dougie)
Pretend conversation as I sit in the waiting room
Doctor: so your knee has been continually hurting worse since Sunday, why did you wait so long to come to the doctor
Me: well I had a busy week and my buddy gave me a bunch of vicodin.
D: you know how stupid that sounds right?
Me: as I say it, yes.
1 tag
12
The number of times I listened to “Call Me Maybe” today (after dividing by two)
live-to-the-point-of-tears asked: I will come this summer if there is a clam AND lobster bake. But seriously, people getting married is really impinging on my travel plans. I know you feel me.
2 tags
“Rack, rack, city bitch, city bitch
Rack, rack, rack city bitch, city bitch,...”
– Tyga
Deepest quote ever.
How to have the best weekend of your young adult... →
Cosign
umcanyounot:
i’m thinking that if you’re a young adult (or, you know, just an alive person) and you need to read an article telling you how to have a great weekend, you’re doing life wrong.
While making beef Guiness stew and homemade mac and cheese (sans gluten suckas), I managed to burn both my pointer fingers which makes typing extra awesome.
On the plus side I have a lot of good food now. And I am going to Puerto Rico next week.
